Letter to "The Colbert Report"

Mr.Colbert, I noticed on your map of congressional districts that the Upper Peninsula of Michigan is excluded. I can only infer through this omission that you support secession of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and the creation of Superiorland. Thank you for having the sisu to take such a bold stand; your support will help our cause greatly. While “The Colbert Report” projects an air of maturity well beyond your 12 episodes, it might be worthwhile to point out during your spotlight on congressional districts that the Superiorland movement in no way supports secession from this great nation of the United States of America. As your great moral divining rod has no doubt indicated, the citizens of Superiorland seek only to be recognized for their unique culture and REAL American values. Not those of Hollywood liberal-elite transplants in Chelsea, ivory-tower academics in Ann Arbor, the union bosses in Detroit or their lackeys in Lansing. Grand Rapids is OK, but they suffer from unfortunate geographic placement. Regardless, as an activist for this cause I feel our message cannot be ambiguous: Statehood for Superiorland!